so i might just be incredibly pathetic. i realized that i am kind of obsessed with what celebrities like. for example only reason i started listening to
deathcab for cutie is because of the
OC. Love Andy Warhol, but would i have if i hadn't seen Factory Girl? Want to dye my hair, is it because I want to or because celebrities do it? i used to think i was this pretty original, interesting, eclectic person. but what if i am just one of those stupid people who want to do what everyone else does. do i really want to adopt when
im older, or is it just because i think
angie is fab? do i want to travel across the world because
I want to, or because i want to be more like someone else. part of me thinks...the originators were the only true unique. everyone just follows everyone else. its kind of debilitating to think that being me...is really me trying to be a bunch of other people combined. what does that mean? will my life just be another waste, another copycat existence? i
dont know how to make it not that way. i
dont know how to be me, without taking inspiration from other people, who took inspiration from other people. ya know, no-one is different, we all just take different parts of other people, and combine them together. we choose different people to emulate, but it
doesnt make us different from
eachother, it just allows the machine to keep on going. how does it stop? i
dont even know,
im not trying to be deep, or insightful, or melodramatic, but
im genuinely disappointed with myself. because just a half ago i was frantically searching the web for Kirsten
Dunst's favorite movie and favorite band, so that for some small insignificant moment i could be a little bit like her. i think she is incredible, i
dont think
im incredible. i think
im ordinary and i know so many extraordinary people, and i wish i could have that. that thing that makes you above...the real originators.
